Thursday, May 29, 2008

....Joan's big mouth.

Good grief. Here come two of my favorite family members into town and what do they bring with them? Their beautiful children? Yes, but that's not all. Their wit and charm? Yep, but there is more. Their exciting news that they are moving to Utah in the next couple months? You got that right. But on top of all of that.......Joan brought this......."So, which one of you is resistant to having more kids?"

What kind of a question is that, Joan? I mean come on here. Isn't that a little personal? Kimberlee and I have had this conversation...believe me, we have had it more than once. We had it before we got married. So, I will tell you the deal for anyone that cares. The answer to the question is...ME. I am resistant. Why? Well, lets see....is it my lack of love for children and babies in particular? Are you nuts? Absolutely it isn't that. Anyone who knows me knows that I love children. I love our children, I could and would love more but.......

1. My beautiful wife bears the brunt of the load around the house. She has taken on the responsibility of learning to raise two children she didn't even know until two months before we got married. And even though my children are fantastic and very lovable, that is a huge responsibility for anyone.

2. Although I am extremely wealthy, getting children here is really expansive. I have very possibly the worst health insurance plan you can buy without government assistance. Raising children is even more expensive.

3. Kimberlee tends to have under-developed premature babies. (Scares me to death)

4. STRESS. My wife is such an amazing mom. She does so much with and for our children and makes me so happy with her efforts. However, it stresses her out and that stresses me out.

5. AGE. I am old. By the time our prospective children turn 18 I will be dang near retirement age. I was kind of hoping to have half my life left by the time my kids leave the house. I know this one sounds really selfish, but think about it. What can a husband and wife do when they are empty nesters in their 40's? ANYTHING THEY WANT. We could see Europe, Asia and all of those beautiful beaches all over the world. We could serve a mission or three. We could get season tickets to the Jazz and actually go to the games without dance, gymnastics, baseball, football, soccer, basketball or any other children's activity getting in the way.

6. Apparently children come in pairs even when they aren't twins. Everyone, and I mean everyone (including Joan) has told me, "well if you have another, you have to have at least two." I mean, jr. has got to have someone to play with.

So.......are any of these reasons compelling at all? Am I selfish? Am I cold hearted and too practical?

To prove that I am not......I will give equal time to the Pro's that have been bouncing off all those con's I just mentioned.

1. I love and adore children. I love babies. I am hopelessly attached to my children and am becoming so to my newest additions (Felicity and Malachi). I could and would love my new children.

2. I am a very patient and loving father. That is not to say that I am a perfect father. I do believe though that I am a very good father and I know that Kim is a very good mother. Children could wind up in a lot worse places than our home.

3. It would help teach our older children responsibility. Watching us raise babies and helping us care for them would be excellent for them. Not only that but by the time baby number one is weened Lily would be old enough to babysit. Felicity would not be far behind. Babysitting would not be a problem.

4. I always wanted more babies with my first wife.

5. I would love to see what a combination of Kim and I would produce. I am sure we would have beautiful babies together.

6. Finally and possibly the most compelling and also reversible argument. It would bring the family together. Right now it is hers and mine and we are trying to build ours. A baby would give us something that is all of ours together. I so much want to believe this is true. But I do see a possible dark side of this. What if any one of the four we have now senses that there is a deeper love for the only child/children that we have together. Real or imagined this could be devastating to any one of our four. I tend to lean much more heavily to the side that it would bring our family together, but........lingering doubt.

So, here it is.....my most serious blog to date. Sorry to those of you who read my blog for the humor. But in all seriousness I would love some feedback on this one. I don't particularly care which side you come down on. I don't know if I will agree with or be influenced by what you say, but I would like to at least hear some other points of view.

My wife has basically put this question away for the last few months and we are just focusing on making our family as whole, safe and comfortable for our children as we possibly can. But I am not getting any younger and with each passing day it seems that our family gets stronger and more stable. So maybe now is the time to..........

Please comment if you have something to say.

Oh, and by the way Joan......thanks for bringing it up, I needed to type all of this out to process it a bit anyway.

Thanks,

Jared

7 comments:

by Kimberlee St. Clair said...

Nice....um, well, what more can I say? I guess I'll have to clarify why I haven't said anything recently...I love you, and glad you can express yourself so openly. Let's get our passports.....

LaShawn said...

hmm... even though I don't know you, Jared, I'll respond.

I totally see the logic in not having more kids and I definitely feel the emotion in having at least one more kid to "unify" the family as well as the "what if the kids think we love this one more" fear too.

All Utah assumptions, jokes and stereotypes about a "standard home = 6 kids" aside, you and Kim ultimately have to make this decision regardless of what any of your loving "they only mean well" in-laws say :)

I was 7 when my mom remarried and barely turned 8 when she had my little brother. It definitely put me in the "caregiving" role as a sibling instead of just a big sister. A role I still play today with all 4 of my younger siblings whereas they are all "just" siblings to each other and are having to learn how to "take care of" (see: hold accountable) each other. Your 4 kids may assume that role if there is a new little one (or plural) added to the equation and probably still retain the "sibling" aspect with each other that they're currently enjoying.

So either way, it's a transition and a new "role" for all of you, age, age gaps and life plans all considered. If you all want it to work, it will work. It might mean less basketball, dance, soccer, ballet and whatever else for a while as everyone bonds with baby, and that's not a bad thing.

Joan said...

Wow, first off...I had NO idea I was striking a chord with this topic. I am sorry I opened this can of worms but still glad I did.
I agree with Michael and Lashawn that it is entirely up to you, Kim, and H.F. There is no question about that and I don't doubt that you two will make the right decision regardless of what your big mouthed in laws say.
Ps...we had such a great time with you guys the other night. Thanks for the good food and GREAT company.

Jared St. Clair said...

Joan, I hope you saw the humor in what I wrote about your big mouth. I couldn't help myself. Truthfully, we aren't getting any real pressure to have kids from anyone. Everyone has been extremely supportive of our suddenly large family. Including you. I can't really blame anyone for wanting us to produce children. I mean, it is quite obvious to everyone that they would be beautiful. Seriously, just look at me. How could they not be? Plus if you throw Kim in the mix.....wow.

Anyway, I really was just curious what other people's perspectives might be on this subject. I am not really expecting someone to say something that will make up my mind for me. If I had listened to what some people said, I wouldn't be in this enviable position to begin with. Truth is I am so happy right now and things are going so well that I can't imagine things being much better.

Time will tell. Thank you to Lashawn and Joan for their comments and to My beautiful wife for being my beautiful wife.

Peace

Bryan and Rebekah said...

I say go for it! We need more kiddos on the Koplin's side of the family since Bry and I are incapable of producing any. I would also like to see what beautiful children ya'll produce any how. Hope all is well.

Anonymous said...

We should not try to "block" the plan that God may have for our lives. Pray and ask for His guidance! Don't over analyze and let GOD'S will be done :-)

Tiffiny said...

Complexity is the name of the game for any family dynamic, but especially for the blended family. One thing is for sure...you don't have evil motives for either decision. You can't be faulted for not thinking through the choices.I'm obviously not voicing an opinion...too caught up in my own version of this game. Love you either way!